In my house there are two boys.
One is the stereotypical eldest - quick to help, always wants to please, and very rarely in trouble.
My second is by no means a bad child, but one issue we do have is that he is very competitive with his brother and often in games will become very upset and have a fit when it even appears that he might be losing.
Last night, we had a perfectly good family game night planned with one of my favorite childhood games, Yahtzee. All was going so well, when the score total started to turn against child number 2 and the anger and frustration and crying and "reckless words" appeared (Prov 12:18.) Everyone else at the table became calm and we tried to buoy him up by saying all the "right" things to him, to no avail....his anger only increased. In my frustration, I told him to apologize to his brother and then he was to take his shower and go immediately to bed.
He was shocked, "What?! I don't get any Bible story, or prayer, or reading time?!"
I responded with, "NO! You don't. Now apologize and get ready for bed."
He was even angrier now and the stomping and growling and door slamming began. Of course, this just made me more upset and I was now hustling my other two to get them ready for bed as well. Ugh, how can a sweet thing like family game night dissolve into this?
I had them all doing their showers and bed time routine and I got on the computer to check email (and to take a few minutes to quietly pray for the Lord to help me to handle this well.) I can hear Krypto and Gwangi in the bathroom talking, and Krypto, in obvious answer to Gwangi's question, said to him, "Well, maybe she is just tired of you acting like this. Maybe we all are."
A few minutes later, in very sincere contriteness, Gwangi came to me and apologized, cuddled, and I told him that I forgave him and when he asked, I said he could of course have the usual bed time routine. I had no idea at that moment how that would play out with the eldest.
I go into their bedroom to sit on the floor with the three of them for our Bible story time, and I can tell that Krypto is upset and on the verge of tears. I ask him what is wrong and he tells me several times it is nothing, but a mom knows....so I press him.
It comes out that he is frustrated that he tries so hard to obey, to do the right thing all the time and then Gwangi can disobey time and again and have a punishment and then he apologizes and I take it away. I felt punched...ouch, was I that parent, that doesn't follow through on punishments and isn't as good as my word??? Instantly though I knew that wasn't the point here, it was about giving grace and mercy. I don't take away punishments when there isn't repentance and a truly contrite heart, and isn't that how our own Father treats us? He forgives us again and again and again, even though He knows we'll repeat our behaviors. He is always ready with His grace and mercy.
I also saw that Krypto was playing out the story of "The Prodigal Son," so we talked about that story, about how the eldest son felt when the youngest kept messing up and yet the Father gave everything and threw a party for the Prodigal when he returned home with a truly repentant heart. It was a very healing family time.
So many times I think we even do this as adults, we "work" hard to be the "good" one and then we get frustrated when the "bad" one seems to get the better deal because they apologize or repent of their sin.
We talked about how the Lord knows our motivations, only He can "judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart." (Heb 4:12) We want to be more and more like Him in our relationships with others, to show that kind of love that gives you overflowing grace and mercy. Krypto was quick then to see that he too wants to have that grace and mercy when he messes up, so he was sorry that he had held it against his brother.
Peace was again in place.
Oh, that it can always be this simple in the lives of brothers!
