This might be a rambling post ;)...no really, the journey and process of writing it has been going on for awhile.
I think it all began a few weeks ago when one of my Tapestry of Grace FB friends made a blog entry about our love languages changing over time. Sorry, Renita, I read your blog entry and thought, "yeah, right! I'm Act of Service and have always been and always will be...end of discussion!"
http://crazyhomedaze.blogspot.com/2011/02/love-language.html
Then a local friend of mine, April, posted an article from Parents magazine about our tendency as parents to 'over-praise' our children. I thought, I can see that point; but, if your child's love language is Word of Affirmation (WOA), then it isn't over-praise, it is an essential part of you telling your child that you love them.
http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Five_Reasons_Stop/
Enter the practical application...my life!
I have two boys and the competition between the two of them can at times be intense. I was asked by my friend Connilee today if I would have Gwangi start playing the violin this next year. I said no, I was actually talking up the piano to him because I just didn't want to deal with the competition between the boys. What if by chance, Gwangi starts creeping up on Kyrpto and becomes a better player, how would they handle that at 8 and 6? Character Training, yes, I know...we get lots of that around here; but, should I set up a situation that I know is going to be difficult for them to handle?!
I went on to tell her how for Krypto's "Where in the World" geography class that he has to learn 50 countries and the 50 U.S. states by the end of the semester. We chose to learn all of the countries in Africa and so have the top 10 done and are working on the bulge countries...not an easy task for anyone, much less a 7 year old. I was quizzing him with a blank map and he got stuck and out of nowhere Gwangi pipes in with "Guinea-Bissau, Guinea, Sierra Leone, and Liberia..." Krypto was in tears. I then told Gwangi "good job" and it made Krypto even more upset. I had to explain to him that just because I compliment someone else, doesn't mean that he did a bad job...I CAN give my other children compliments. The problem is that Krypto wants them, needs them and has come to expect them (he's my WOA kid). If I don't give them, he starts fishing for them... "Mommy, did I do a good job on such and such" and I say "yes, honey, just because I don't say something doesn't mean that I'm not happy with your work!" Ahhh, the essence of motherhood/parenting...trying to juggle what they need with what they want!
So, I was talking about this more with Hosanna and Rachel at lunch today and then, on my drive to my Dr.'s appointment, I had a light bulb moment...about myself!
Lately, I've become a fisher too!
"Honey, did you like this meal?"
"Honey, do you think I'm a good teacher to our children?"
"Honey, do you think I did a good job staging this room for the house pictures?"
"Honey, am I a good friend?"
etc., etc., etc...
WOW, has my love language changed? I still love a helping hand with the trash and changing light bulbs and doing dishes...but has getting Words of Affirmation started climbing up the ranks?
I got home tonight from my 'date' with Sissi, gave her a bath and put her to bed, then I got on the computer. I decided to go to the website for the 5 love languages and take the quiz again...
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/
I was surprised...not only did Words of Affirmation move up the list, it was #1 (I had 11 points on WOA) and my #2 was Acts of Service at 9 points...still close...but not #1. I was in shock...really, are you serious??? I've changed my love language? More reflection will be needed and I really want Indy to take the test again. He's always been a toss up between WOA and Physical Touch, I don't think he's changed; but, it would be neat to see how he scores.
Let me know if any of you have had a similar experience or what you might find to be true (or false) about what I've said. I'm all ears ;)!
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