Attacks

I wanted to give you all an update on my health in particular....because so many people have asked.  I am thankful that there are numerous people who care, who care about me, my family, and how we're feeling.  Thank you!

On March 2nd I went to see the neurologist again, to follow up about the MRI that I had had done in January and about the CESI shot in February.  I was in shock when he told me that there was no improvement and in fact some severe degeneration (more than is normal for my age).  I think I must have misunderstood the nurse that called me about my MRI results back in February then, I was sure she said I had a normal neck and I had claimed healing!

He went on to explain that I have spinal compression, that my vertebrae are pinching into my spinal column and that my neck is my "weak link", as he put it to me.  He gave me all kinds of advice about driving, avoiding accidents, and not doing "yoga standing on my head" ;).  Now, I don't do yoga; but, when I had mentioned that I had really been working out since the beginning of January, that I felt that had strengthened my muscles, and I wasn't having pain and tingling anymore, he got a strange look on his face.  He said that I need to be super careful and he predicted that I'll need to have the neck surgery in less than 20 years, whether or not I have an accident, that it is degenerating that fast.  Oh man, really?  Not what I wanted to hear.

Fast forward a week and I begin having very itchy bumps all over my legs, it wakes me up at night and is super uncomfortable, not to mention not attractive either.  I let it go on for a week and finally Indy insisted I go in to see a Dr.  It's some sort of allergy, they are definitely hives and it was a classic case of Utricaria.  He gave me a steroid to take (yuck, think it's making me grumpy), some histamine blockers, and a topical cream.  Then he said I'd feel much better in about 8-12 hours.  I woke up the next day worse, my eyes were swollen and weeping all day, my nose was congested and I had a sinus headaches...oh, and the hives were still there.  I went into the Acute Care clinic on Saturday AM at 6 (this was yesterday).  That Dr. said I'm obviously still in contact with whatever the allergin is and said he'd put me in for an allergy referral for next week.  I asked if it could be stressed related, he said no, it's an allergy.  Maybe I'm allergic to stress????  Or as a few friends have joked, I'm allergic to leaving Colorado...OR, as Indy joked today, maybe I'm allergic TO Colorado.  Maybe this is God's way of redirecting me after all my whining about leaving my comfort zone and how scared I've been the past few weeks as things are winding down and we're down to less than 2 months here.

I'm so sorry to all of my friends this past week that have had to listen to me complain about all I have to do, I'm saying it now, I'm sorry.  If I fall into that trap again, remind me of what I wrote, and pray for and with me, OK?!

Seriously though, it is spring and things are in bloom, maybe I am having seasonal allergies...I just think it's weird that I grew up here, lived here 7 years as a married woman and now, at 36, I'm developing allergies...

I so know this is yet another attack.

One of God's names is Jehovah Rapha, the Lord is our healer.  There is a story in Exodus where this name comes from, let me elaborate after I re-read it this morning.  The Israelites are in the desert and complaining about no water to drink, or that it is bitter.  The place is named Marah after this.  But, one of the things that stopped me in my tracks was the Israelites' bad attitude.  They were complaining and "not being happy with what they had" yet again.  How many times oh Lord, do we do that to you?  As a Father, you are soooo patient with us.  I quickly loose my temper with my children when they are discontent and whining!  Here is what the Lord told Moses to say to the people:

Exodus 15: 20-27 "If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the LORD thy God, and wilt do that which is right in his sight, and wilt give ear to his commandments, and keep all his statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee, which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am the LORD that healeth thee."


I know that I have had a bad, stressful, and not so good attitude lately...The Lord will heal me; but, the healing that I think I really need isn't even physical.  We are created in God's own image and that means we have a mind, a body, and a soul... I need some healing in my mind and soul right now, more even than I need in my body!

So, for now I am going to claim Psalm 30:2 "Oh Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me!"

I need to let go of these fears and anxieties, of the stress over how much there is to do, how much it's costing, and all the things and people that I am leaving.  I am going to take more responsibility for my temper, my agitation, and being grumpy.  What I really need to remember is the verse we had Nathan memorize about 2 years ago when he would get angry and say wild, outlandish, and hurtful things to get a rise out of us or his siblings...it goes like this:  Proverbs 12:18 "The words of the reckless pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."  I don't want to hurt my family and friends, or even myself, I want to bring healing and be wise in what I say and do.  I pray for the Lord's healing on my mind and soul right now, and like the old song (and Psalm 51) remind us, I pray he will "renew a right spirit within me."